Just as we can’t have light without darkness, we can’t have love without loss, or joy without grief. And yet, we’re rarely taught what to do with our grief, or how to find our way through it. Grief makes us uncomfortable. So do the other feelings that come with it: sadness, anger, and confusion. It can feel like if we let ourselves truly feel the depths of it, we will never feel joy again.
At Senior Living Specialists, we walk alongside families in some of the hardest moments of their lives. Over time, we’ve learned a lot about how to navigate our own grief, and how to support others through theirs.
There is deep grief in the realization that someone can no longer live safely in their own home, especially when the choice is made for them by the death of a spouse, an illness, or a fall and a stay at rehab. In the transition to assisted living, memory care, or a care home, the grief can be layered and complicated: the loss of independence, the surrender of a home filled with memories, the separation from friends, neighbors, and a long-familiar routine. It’s not just one loss – it’s many, all bundled together.
We’ve learned that looking for the helpers, and helping others see them, can ease the weight of grief. Often a silver lining begins to show. A mother who resisted leaving her home filled with memories may find renewed energy and joy after forming new friendships in her assisted living community. A daughter living out of town can breathe easier, knowing her mom is now surrounded by people who care – staff who prepare healthy meals, offer medication reminders, and check on her daily. A father finds new friends to laugh at his jokes and reminisce with about “the good old days.” A spouse whose wife is in a care home has the freedom to be the loving husband rather than exhausted mentally and physically by trying to provide for all of their needs. We’ve found that often the caregivers and assisted living staff soon feel like part of the family, and those relationships help everyone find their way through acknowledging, feeling, and working their way through the layers of grief.
After the devastating Texas Hill Country flooding this July, I found myself especially grateful to return to work in an industry rooted in helping. This is help that doesn’t make headlines, but matters deeply. Caregivers, certified nurse assistants, RNs, care home owners, hospice workers, home health aids, physical therapists – these are the people who quietly show up, day after day, to help our seniors live the best lives they can. They remind us that even in grief, we are not alone.
Because in the face of any loss—whether from a storm, a diagnosis, or the passage of time—there are always helpers. And sometimes, simply finding them is the first step through the grief.
